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22

Apr

Spring Formal- Location: The Zoo, The Catch: we were the animals

As the semester comes to an end, us lovely women refuse to go out with nothing short of a bang. I may not be the best story tell of this night considering I remember very little (blacked out with my rack out) but first an award must be given, Chaco, you my dear, win formal (sorry Nig Tits) My dear friend Chaco was over come with narcolepsy in the bathroom, nearly pissing all over the ground, and cuddling with her balled up toilet paper as a pillow. As sleeping beauty awoke from her slumber she mounted the counter and proceeded to yack into the sink. You go Chaco, you go. Soon after Miss Chaco was greeted by a member of the standards committee, who upon request unclipped Chaco’s bra. Was it ever re-fastened? I do believe the one and only Hindu Friend could answer that question. Anyway Nig Tits ventured into the bathroom to check out her drunk competitor who was mid gag in the sink obviously Nig Tits needed a little extra boost so she came out guns blazing, literally she pulled zip lock bags from her dress full of alcohol. And only one of the bags exploded in her dress, full proof plan. 

Neither my self or Seattle could place together her memory during the actual formal, but afterwards she created her own little party for 2, date thief. Anyway after stepping off the bus Seattle made a run for the nearest T bus. A fellow PONG brother told her it would be a great idea so surprise one of her most recent shack-buddies so she got the code to the fraternity house, and called up Johnny Rocket to get her to fraternity row pronto. After taking a couple of frat laps on the big orange bus, and almost being forced back into her dorm by a worried sister Seattle made it to the door of the house, entered the code, and ran into the house. It just so happened to be PONG’s hell week, casual right? Seattle noticed 70 men in the room beside her, all staring, very unwelcoming and made a run for shack city. The brothers ran after her and escorted her out. She did not take this lightly. Once she was successfully kicked out she tried to re enter the code several times, with the door slamming in her face, and then decided to give up. What better place to end your night than ihop, alone, in a formal dress, at 3 am? I can’t think of anything better….. of course the cashiers were very judgmental and laughed in her face.

As for myself, let’s just say Sir Jack Daniels kicked my ass. After nearly knocking out my date after he told the zoo worker to “fuck off and have fun playing with goats and lions, making minimum wage for the rest of her life” Then I fell out of the car at a stop sign, forcing my date to take a 20 minute taxi ride home.. and woke up in my room mates bed, with him in my bed, romantic right? 

Needless to say we adapted to the zoo venue with out a problem.